Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
