That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Damn victory sex feels great
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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