Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
