Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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