u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
