Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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