The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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