so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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