I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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