My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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