Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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