I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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