i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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