When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
