His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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