I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
