The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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