well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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