yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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