Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
