Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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