i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
