Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
