You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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