he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
