he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
