BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
