Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
