im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize