dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
