I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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