I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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