The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
