I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
