SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
