Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
