didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize