i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
