Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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