I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
