just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
