i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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