I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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