Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
