I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
