I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
