That's when you crack a 10am beer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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