so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
