i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
