Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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