I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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