So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
