I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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