you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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