it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
