she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
