Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
