What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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