Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
