Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize