I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
