Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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