If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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