I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
