Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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