Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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