doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just had sex bonerless
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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