I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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