I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
