If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
