i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize