If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
