all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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