i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
