look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
