We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
