I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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