Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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