Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
