you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
