no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize