Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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