I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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