carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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