Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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