Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
