Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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