Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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