Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
