hotel room ftw
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
