explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
