I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
