Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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